Saturday, April 27, 2013

Better not forget

Dear diary,

I would like to make another list that would remind me of what i need to do and be aware of in life. Hope you will find it useful too.

1. Always put Allah as the first and top priority in your life. Absolutely important. I may trip and find myself tumbling every now and again but Allah is ever so merciful, He gives us the chance to repent and redeem our sins. Allah, thank you ya Allah....alhamdulillah.
2. Treat our parents right! Never ever forget them, keep them close, call them always sarah. it is not hard. just pick up the phone and call them every 2 days. remember they are after all your one and only parents. it is not hard. honestly, make it a point!
3. Keep a lookout for the people who accepts you for who you are, because these people are very hard to come by. they would love you and keep you close no matter how you are and what you have done. be it a friend or a loved one, if they can accept you for who you are, then, they are a keeper. at least, we know that they are sincere in becoming our friends and they are not just after the good things we have in life. but all in all, accepting everything as it is and would try to keep each other motivated and improved in life.
4. Dont forget your dreams! My dream is to go to Egypt one day. I want to live there, study there, be a personal tutor there and embrace the culture. i want to learn and master hieroglyphics. to me, it is very important to know so that i can be involved in deciphering the secrets of the past. it would be ultimately cool! so cool! pray that i will achieve my dream. i am planning to do this after the 5 years contract with the government. i want to apply an internship or something and be sent there and experience life over there. that would be soo so cool!

Friday, April 19, 2013


I just created a Keek account... ive been interested in it since the moment i was introduced to it. It looks like a cool device. Im gonna use when i go to priya's house later insyaAllah. She is not feeling very well so gonna pop in and see her. Thats it! I am not letting her out of the house for more socials anymore. Thats it! she is going to drink soup and stay in bed and work for appropriate hours. she needs to start takiing care of herself! ishhh... okay gonna go n get ready now, oh my i havent vacuumed my room yet. but at least i kinda make it look more neat than the last state it was in errr...okay, gotta go see ya! and oh yea, when i do post my first keek vid, ill sure let you know ok, ok bubye...

I Miss You

I miss you
How do I make it up to you?
You drive me crazy
since the moment I met you
You 'intruded' my nights
with your phone calls
You drained me out
with laughter
making silly jokes and unthinkable comments
You lit up my day

You were becoming part of me
The songs we shared were similar
the image and imagination
were so vivid and yet so playful
I was so cheerful around you

You were also so emotional with me
You get mad at things that i thought people wont get mad about
But its like you said
You and I are different
and looking through your eyes is what im trying now
so that i could understand you better

I fell in love...

Things may have changed now
But i pray that the love is still there...
I accept that whats going on now is the consequence of my past
But i pray to be given a second chance in love
I do hope for it
I do pray for it
May your heart hear my call...

Friday, April 12, 2013

Ya Allah...

Ya Allah ya rahman ya rahim, ampunkanlah dosa2 hambamu ini ya Allah... sesungguhnya your hamba telah byk membuat dosa, and all that she's hoping for is for You to forgive her and give her a chance to change and become a better person....

Ya Allah, You have given me that chance since a long time ago... Alhamdulillah You have never deprive me of that chance and i am trying my very best not to waste it... Ya Allah, You have given me so much in my life,  all the nikmat You have given and all kinds of love im able to feel.... Alhamdulillah ya Allah and i pray i would always be on Your path and work towards in gaining Your love and rahmat...

Tonight, ya Rabb, i have... let down a person whom im starting to have feelings for... You have sent him into my life ya Allah, a reason ive wondered why, but as time passes, i got to know why...  he makes me think, he is able to sedarkan myself from thinking that i cant take everything lightly, people are different and i should not expect people to think the same way that i do... thats what i learnt from him and it is a valuable lesson that perhaps pushes me to move forward and i pray that i do.

You have seen me grown up ya Allah and You know me, inside and out, better than i would know myself... You know how i am like and of course, Engkau Maha Mengetahui, You would know how this guy makes me feel.

I love him ya Allah, i do... i would never ever would want to hurt him but i did. I honestly wish that this is a nightmare and i would wake up anytime soon and hope that all of this never happened, wishing that i have never ever hurt him. He has a good heart, no matter how stubborn or annoying he can be... but he has a good heart. Any girl would have been so blessed to have him as her husband. He can be a good husband, i can see that. He is strong, principled and he is not afraid to do the right thing or say the right thing no matter how different it may seem but he has his own way of making a point and thats what i love about him, he is crazy but good crazy.... he makes me happy, makes me playful, but at the same time, he makes me responsible, and asks me to think on another level, asks me to be a grown up in my decisions and that everything has a consequence.

i do realize that things have consequences... i have lived with regret all my life but Allah says 'la tahzan' dont be sad, He is ever Merciful, ever forgiving and honestly it is only because of You ya Allah, i am still able to smile and live life as anyone else. Allah says to not ever give up on His rahmat or nikmat because it is everywhere around us..... i have a past, but i wish n hope to move on and dear Allah, help me to move on... help me to become better and thank You for granting me, blessing me with this one guy, who actually pushes and makes me wana be better. I dont know what he will think of me now, i just pray that he would still see me as the Sarah that he knows before.... because i am still that Sarah, i am still that girl regardless of anything and honestly, really, i do want to become better.

Ya Allah please give us the strength to live life as You would have wanted, to balance our life on earth and also the hereafter.... dont leave me, and dont give up on me ya Allah, and dont ever let me give up on You... let him be safe, take care of him and grant him peace and Your loving ya rahman...

I cant sleep, perhaps ill wait for subuh... tomorrow, i hope my eyes dont give away how much i havent slept and cried... i havent seen siti or allyanne for a very long time, even adam n faiz...could u believe that i havent texted anyone and i have been so couped up in my room for many days that my friends are starting to think that im a vampire! i think siti is mad at me, and i hope to make it up to her tomorrow. its not gonna be easy tmrw,with me thinking about all this. i wish i could change it but i cant and it is not good to say that right, i wish i wish i could change because in some way, somehow, things do happen for a reason, perhaps this is my reminder, a reminder that i should be wary of my actions, a reminder for both of us to be careful in falling in love. i can love him with all my heart, really i can... i am willing to not spend time with the usual gang im with just because of him... but this one thing happened and i cant take it back and so, i would have to go on with life from there.

it would be ... a miracle if one day, he is able to see me as just me, that he is able to see past my actions, my past and just see me and would love me as me regardless of what ive done. it would be a dream, a miracle, a blessing..... that is a lot to hope for, but there is no limit to what you can ask from our Creator, and He expects us to ask from Him and ask Him i shall.... alright, i think i better make a eyes are tired, but my heart still wants to fight and prove to him that things can be alright.... i dont know what to do, i pray that He would shine the way and guide me to what i should do... ok dear diary, i shall take my leave.

                                                                                                                              signed ,
                                                                                                              -the saddest of my ife-

Monday, April 1, 2013


Dear Diary,

It is in the middle of the night and here I am, in front of the laptop, listening to 'This will be' by Natalie Cole, one of my favourites from the oldies. How is everybody? Hope everyone is ok, and oh it's easter by the way and most universities students are having their easter break and I am left with 2 more weeks of holidays. Yeahhh holidays are great arent they? Honestly, how can anyone get enough of holidays? Holidays are simply the best and even if u do have work to do over the holidays, it's ok cause you would be able to do them in your own free time and according to your will. I love that feeling; to be able to work without pressure. It is pleasurable in so many ways, altho a little pressure is good but i still prefer to work without last minute pressure. Okay, enough about that. I am here to share you a lil bit of Paris!!!

Haha, yes dear diary, I went to Paris for three days and 2 nights and there is only one word I could use to describe it, it is simply wonderful! Wonderful haha... I can honestly just smile just thinking about it, thinking about the trip, the experience, the places and the guy I am with during the holidays, all adds up to a wonderful getaway. Alhamdulillah...

Who did I go with ? why did that question had to be the first? Haha... scratch that, i'll save that up for later. ill ask another question then.

Where did i go?

I went to Paris in general, and gosh, Paris is just so charming! It is dirty, dont get me wrong, but yea it is and the people... some are nice and some are not, just the basic general people. But i loved the combination between the old design of trains and platforms but at the same time it had all the modern facilities. It was unique.... no wonder a lot of people would like to come here but of course the response and reaction towards it varies, but if you just ignore the dirtiness and the harshness of the lifestyle in Paris, you would find it romantic and its such a charming, romantic city. 

I went to Le Tour De Eifl, Notre Dame and Du Louvre. Aaaahhhh I was so happy... I get to explore the city the way I wanted to, i mean really explored the city and the metro system this time, oh my god, it is not the easiest thing to do but it was such a challenge and it was a good experience! And what more, I get to go to Du Louvre and that is the amazing thing! I have always wanted to go and I went in it and it was sooo soo big,so many paintings and there were so many sculptures, beautiful they are and there were Egyptian and Islamic entry which is soo so cool! It is always nice to see the Islamic design and ways are being incorporated and accepted in the areas of the world. It shows that you cant runaway from the Islamic influence no matter how much people are trying to get rid of it, you just cant cuz it is Allah's religion, it is what Allah has blessed down for us and Alhamdulillah we are part of it and I pray I will always be in it, and always be grateful. I pray not to be too lost in the world and forget what really matters- that is to be with Him in the end. That is the only consolation I have whenever I fear of the days of the End. I pray that I will always remember Him, be thankful and do good deeds so that His love will always be upon us all. 

Alright, so basically I went to those three main places and I had such a wonderful time. Honestly, I would want to do it again. Such a good trip and.... with Allah's will, I would not have got to do it without the company of mr.Z. 

Ah so now you get the image of who I went with right? Haha yes dear diary, I went with our beloved mr.Z and for that part, I will write another entry in a minute. So see you in the next entry which I am going to write about in 5 minutes. Mmuuah mmuahh ciao!