Dear diary,
Assalamualaikum and a very good morning to you dear diary and hey its snowing! Woke up, and i heard didi saying that she wants to go early to class today because she wanted to get a few shots outside and i thought maybe because its snowing outside and yea it did! Alhamdulillah.... such a beautiful scenery and a lovely view to wake up to.
Hmm ive got two classess today, and ...im going out in the evening... but i hope i do have time to watch Merlin before i go out hahaha.... that should not be the main thing to do everyday but ... i couldnt help it! Haha
Ohh Balqis came over last night and it was supposedly a study session and it was dont worry, i did not tempt her to watch Merlin or anything last night. She tempted me! haha... but it was only for a while, and then we study, we studied chemistry yesterday, that was so much fun, i miss chemistry,i miss science!! she was trying to indoctrinate k-pop to me, but i said, no... not k-pop... u cant make me! i can like a few songs, but no, u cant spread k-pop to me, aint gonna happen! hehe
but it was really fun, i hope she can come again and we can hang more! and i hope i am a good influence to her haha better set a good example! i must always remember that!
But the thing is dear diary, i learn so much from them...
'them' i meant, the younger people around me.... normally yes, people say you should hang out with someone older or your own age, but ... the thing is, its so much fun to hang out with people who are younger! its not just about the age, i thiink its the spirit, the spirit of youth! you can be as old as 50 but if you have a young spirit, life is as adventurous and mysterious as it always is.
they can teach you things and make you see life in their own way and it is a peculiar thing to be involved in. and in another way, it has that innocence about the things they do. they do it is not because there is a hidden agenda or anything, but its just because they want to and its what they believe in, and its sorta innocent. its like, you dont have to care about what other people think about you, you just do it! this is your life, and you live it the way you want it too... of course we have to consider others as well, im not naive haha, but yeah,if you could balance that, that would be cool.... the point is, you can learn a lot from them and thats why i love to hang with my brothers.... the youngest, he can teach me so many things...he surprises me at times with the things he does and thinks, and my second, he surprises me even more, and he is even more mature than me Sometimes and he likes to think that he is the big brother, cuz he is bigger, but noo... not a chance amir, i am still the big sister! haha... he better remember that!
i guess what they have taught me is that, live life simply, and you would see the wonder around you... they didnt say this to me, but it is what i realized when i hang out with them, i miss them, i really do. May Allah panjangkan our jodoh and i can still meet them when i get back, amin. the things i realize when i hang with people younger than me.
ohh i remember one saying, a good friend of mine always says this, when life gives you lemons, you make lemonades out of em haha, and yup that sort of summarises that you make full use of the things that are given to you in this life, live life to the fullest and if there is a room to make things easy, you take it, dont make life harder haha *this is referring to a shopping incident, i could just easily bring a trolley bag or something because apparently i shopped a lot that day, and i just make life harder by trying to carry it all, but luckily he was there and helped me out haha and even to that, i said no, so.. the moral of the story, when things can be helped out, you let it, as long as not troubling people so much but i think i kinda did, haha so gotta make sure i dont do that again, so yeah, definitely gotta bring a trolley bag haha
Okay, back to youthful spirit, and yeah, my mother for example, she can be so motherly *of course haha, she is the most responsible person ive known, and i know i can count on her for anything, anythinggg alhamdulillah, she knows what to do! but the thing about my mum is, she has such a young spirit! she would try to know the latest thing about the current generation and she would just wana hang with me and my brothers, getting to know the current songs and put it on her phone and she is just so cool that way.
i can see her youth especially if she is around her older sisters, my aunts. she is the youngest of them all and it shows when we all gather. she is just bubbly and jolly in her own way and i couldnt help but smile when i see her that way. May Allah bless her always amin....
so yeah, thats the thing about youthful spirit! it keeps you going! it makes life interesting. you would see that in each things around us, has wonder! if you see that, then you would wana live your life to the fullest and you can find joy in the simplest thing around you, for example... typing on your laptop right now, in the early morning and feeling like a writer trying to finish up her new book haha.... that would so cool though if it were true.... gonna have my own book one day insyaAllah... i have the content in my head, its just i gotta get to work!
ooopss i gotta go! seee yaaa laterr.... salam dear diary..... *let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.....
Monday, January 14, 2013
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Still wrapped up in my golden fleece....
Dear diary,
I havent worked for so long.... mmmm because there are too many other things to do in my life! i just couldnt find the time haha Alhamdulillah but gotta start soon.... but i just honestly wana focus on my studies now...
missing my brothers... cant wait to hang out with them soon when i get back. my time in the uk is almost coming to an end, i do want to make d most of it insyaAllah.... but i do miss my brothers so, justin biebers songs are gonna be on my playlist for a while haha
ohh my friend, musaddiq, i call him moose, who is a doctor hehe a really cool guy, he was admitted to the hospital two days ago and now he has been discharged alhamdulillah. he had an operation, a minor one but still anything that goes on in the hospital is a big thing for me. i have always wondered how it would be like to sleep in the hospital, i dont know, i think its the thing in me u know, that ive always wanted to become a doctor, so im curious to know how it feels to spend d night in the hospital. that would be a new experience!
ohh im gonna watch Merlin now! have a date with collin and bradley in 5 minutes haha. i loveeee them!!!
i havent gone crazy over celebrities like this in a while now and im enjoying it haha. oh brad.... oh collin....
at least it keeps me happy! and i dont miss my family too much, and my friends, theyre the best. May Allah bless them all always.
Pray that ill be a good friend to them, a friend who is there to help them when they need it, a friend to be able to share their happiness and sorrow, a friend whom they can trust, because thats what they have shown to me, thats what they have given to me. all the new and my old friends, they are all wonderful in their own way.
i hope each of them know that :)
okay2, im lateee for my date! haha Snowy is already ready, ok2 blogg with you soon dear diary.
Night....
Wrapped up in my golden fleece...
Dear diary,
The things that happen in my life, they do happen for a reason. I am a strong believer of that. Allah always has a plan for me and I know He is watching me right now, writing this post haha. Ya Allah, forgive me for all my sins and pray that i will be a hamba to You who is grateful and redha with everything You kurniakan. Alhamdulillah ya Allah for everything despite the sadness that comes with it.
In life, you have to feel a bit of pain, or not you wont appreciate the peace and happiness that comes in the later part of the day.
I realized i have so much to do in life. I am running out of time to be honest. I going to turn 23 this year insyaAllah and its like half of life has passed. I have even made out a list, things to do before i go back and while i still live. There is so much to life that sometimes it makes me ponder why would anyone say that their life is boring? there is so much to it and if u look carefully, in each and every of the incident that happens, there is a mystery to it and you will never know what would happen and things would just happen out of the blue. in a way it is exciting, making life worth anticipating for, but in a way, it will drag u down, might even crush your soul, but hopefully it doesnt take your iman away.
because only with iman, you can find peace in the things that happen. coz you know Someone is looking after you and you would know what to do.
What are the things to do in life you may ask dear diary? Well, lets see shall we! (the things are not in order so things may just happen when it happens so yeah)
1) Graduate
2) go to jurassic coast with balqis (definitely gotta do that, hmm if i could bring my brother along that wud be so cool! )
3) write a book! and publish one!
4) Be close to Allah and rajinkan diri in that direction always ( wana do it istiqamah insyaAllah pray that im given the strength and patience to do it)
5) Go to Egypt, study/live there. ( oh btw, my mum seems to be making plans for me with the son of her friend who studies in egypt haha, ive met the guy, very handsome haha and so baik... but... hmm... too early to tell, but oh well, like i said, life is a mystery, we will never know what will happen!)
6) Go to Cambridge
7) Go to Turkey with Pain
8) Go umrah and haji
Hmm that is so far on what ive got, but insyaAllah things may add up later and hopefully i could do all of these things. this is my to-do-list and i wana make each of it count!
The night is so cold, i dont know why
all the smiles and laughter turns to sigh,
reflecting on life, on how it may be,
pondering on the veil of uncertainty,
now with each day,
it passes by and with virtue it says,
Go and live your day,
For there might not be another one like the one uve got today...
The things that happen in my life, they do happen for a reason. I am a strong believer of that. Allah always has a plan for me and I know He is watching me right now, writing this post haha. Ya Allah, forgive me for all my sins and pray that i will be a hamba to You who is grateful and redha with everything You kurniakan. Alhamdulillah ya Allah for everything despite the sadness that comes with it.
In life, you have to feel a bit of pain, or not you wont appreciate the peace and happiness that comes in the later part of the day.
I realized i have so much to do in life. I am running out of time to be honest. I going to turn 23 this year insyaAllah and its like half of life has passed. I have even made out a list, things to do before i go back and while i still live. There is so much to life that sometimes it makes me ponder why would anyone say that their life is boring? there is so much to it and if u look carefully, in each and every of the incident that happens, there is a mystery to it and you will never know what would happen and things would just happen out of the blue. in a way it is exciting, making life worth anticipating for, but in a way, it will drag u down, might even crush your soul, but hopefully it doesnt take your iman away.
because only with iman, you can find peace in the things that happen. coz you know Someone is looking after you and you would know what to do.
What are the things to do in life you may ask dear diary? Well, lets see shall we! (the things are not in order so things may just happen when it happens so yeah)
1) Graduate
2) go to jurassic coast with balqis (definitely gotta do that, hmm if i could bring my brother along that wud be so cool! )
3) write a book! and publish one!
4) Be close to Allah and rajinkan diri in that direction always ( wana do it istiqamah insyaAllah pray that im given the strength and patience to do it)
5) Go to Egypt, study/live there. ( oh btw, my mum seems to be making plans for me with the son of her friend who studies in egypt haha, ive met the guy, very handsome haha and so baik... but... hmm... too early to tell, but oh well, like i said, life is a mystery, we will never know what will happen!)
6) Go to Cambridge
7) Go to Turkey with Pain
8) Go umrah and haji
Hmm that is so far on what ive got, but insyaAllah things may add up later and hopefully i could do all of these things. this is my to-do-list and i wana make each of it count!
The night is so cold, i dont know why
all the smiles and laughter turns to sigh,
reflecting on life, on how it may be,
pondering on the veil of uncertainty,
now with each day,
it passes by and with virtue it says,
Go and live your day,
For there might not be another one like the one uve got today...
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Inspired !
Dear diary,
for years i have been trying to go on with my passion of getting to know more about the ancient civilization, hieroglyphs, the earth....all of that! i lovee reading about them and i love making more research about them, those are d kinds of things i would like to get involved it, those r the things i want to immerse myself in, God, you have no idea how it feels to be able to read hieroglyphs a bit, and i did, well sort of. ive been on the internet a lot and gotta know a bit about it but will make more effort for more insyaAllah. Alhamdulillah ya Allah, thank you for the passion, its so wonderful to have it.
I have one little girl to thank by the way for this. She has inspired me so much to go on with my passion. Have you ever felt like are you the one who is the odd one, or you would want to have someone who understands your passion and would work for it. it doesnt have to be d same passion, it cud be another but the effort is the effort you wanna put in in your area of interest. Her name is Balqis. She is amazing! She is sooo smart, so hardworking, soo... amazing, but dont tell her i said that haha.
in a way, she reminds me of myself when i was a kid. i was that motivated, i was that immersed in my own world, my studies, my reading, that alhamdulillah i was good in what i do. i remember when i was a kid, i had a stronger attitude, a more 'you do not mess with me' attitude, like... i know what im doing sort of thing. haha when i was a kid i remembered i was mengade. where did that little girl go? haha
well i know she is in me somewhere, her drive is still in me, it has just being shaped by the years of growing up thats all, and i wouldnt have wished growing up in another way, Alhamdulillah, i love the way the years Allah has given me. He has plans for me i know, and He has given me a chance to meet a wonderful girl like Balqis now, (its her birthday today btw) Happy Birthdayy Balqis hehe, alhamdulillah that u have been bornt. Perhaps you are the inspiration that i needed to go on being myself and love the work and passion i have in me and not to let it go. I pray that we would be great friends :)
mmm, i realized that i have wrote a lot on 'the guy' haha. Mmm let me just make it clear. I really really care for him. He is great haha but we are just close friends, and thats just the way it is. Alhamdulillah he is safely back home, and just remember he is just a close friend( tho it is hard to say so) haha. i just dont want things to get weird thats all. i dont want him to feel weird around me, thats more important.
Alright, imma gonna get ready for asar, listening to Nouman ali khan on surah an-nasr. He is a great speaker alhamdulillah. his videos are a great source for ilmu, tafseer and reminder of how important it is and how special the Quran is. Try to listen to him if u do come across it, i love reading on the tafseer of the surah, it makes us appreciate the surah in our solat, it gives a ..stronger impact on your solat insyaAllah, try it for yourself, you'll see hehe. okay2, im gonna go now.
May Allah bless us all insyaAllah... till next post, take care!
for years i have been trying to go on with my passion of getting to know more about the ancient civilization, hieroglyphs, the earth....all of that! i lovee reading about them and i love making more research about them, those are d kinds of things i would like to get involved it, those r the things i want to immerse myself in, God, you have no idea how it feels to be able to read hieroglyphs a bit, and i did, well sort of. ive been on the internet a lot and gotta know a bit about it but will make more effort for more insyaAllah. Alhamdulillah ya Allah, thank you for the passion, its so wonderful to have it.
I have one little girl to thank by the way for this. She has inspired me so much to go on with my passion. Have you ever felt like are you the one who is the odd one, or you would want to have someone who understands your passion and would work for it. it doesnt have to be d same passion, it cud be another but the effort is the effort you wanna put in in your area of interest. Her name is Balqis. She is amazing! She is sooo smart, so hardworking, soo... amazing, but dont tell her i said that haha.
in a way, she reminds me of myself when i was a kid. i was that motivated, i was that immersed in my own world, my studies, my reading, that alhamdulillah i was good in what i do. i remember when i was a kid, i had a stronger attitude, a more 'you do not mess with me' attitude, like... i know what im doing sort of thing. haha when i was a kid i remembered i was mengade. where did that little girl go? haha
well i know she is in me somewhere, her drive is still in me, it has just being shaped by the years of growing up thats all, and i wouldnt have wished growing up in another way, Alhamdulillah, i love the way the years Allah has given me. He has plans for me i know, and He has given me a chance to meet a wonderful girl like Balqis now, (its her birthday today btw) Happy Birthdayy Balqis hehe, alhamdulillah that u have been bornt. Perhaps you are the inspiration that i needed to go on being myself and love the work and passion i have in me and not to let it go. I pray that we would be great friends :)
mmm, i realized that i have wrote a lot on 'the guy' haha. Mmm let me just make it clear. I really really care for him. He is great haha but we are just close friends, and thats just the way it is. Alhamdulillah he is safely back home, and just remember he is just a close friend( tho it is hard to say so) haha. i just dont want things to get weird thats all. i dont want him to feel weird around me, thats more important.
Alright, imma gonna get ready for asar, listening to Nouman ali khan on surah an-nasr. He is a great speaker alhamdulillah. his videos are a great source for ilmu, tafseer and reminder of how important it is and how special the Quran is. Try to listen to him if u do come across it, i love reading on the tafseer of the surah, it makes us appreciate the surah in our solat, it gives a ..stronger impact on your solat insyaAllah, try it for yourself, you'll see hehe. okay2, im gonna go now.
May Allah bless us all insyaAllah... till next post, take care!
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Who to marry?
Dear diary,
assalamualaikum :)
currently im listening to bbc coventry's radio but just turned it off cuz...well lets just say the music did not appeal to my ears. haha, i was trying to check it out since i am going to the radio's station next morning for a very educational trip with my fellow journalism coursemates. hope it will be a good trip and gain something beneficial in the end.
okay2, i know u must be wondering how i am right now.
alhamdulillah i couldnt express my gratitude more than saying alhamdulillah because it is because of Allah i am surviving right now.
Only to Allah, i put my trust to and only to Him, i wanna go to.
i am doing alright and i dont think it could be better than this at the moment.
i am still a single girl who still has feelings for the her ex, who is trying to move on but knows deep in her heart that she will always, always have something for him. i am still in contact him i have to admit. it was not like that before, but it just turned out that way. i wish, i wish we would not be in contact with each other although his presence makes me eat better, happier and delighted inside but i am afraid that it would not end well. i know one day, things are going to have to change. i dont know what are his motives of contacting me again. i should be stronger and push him aside but i couldnt, i am not that strong to push him away. i will try harder though to avoid contacting him and not be close to him like i used to. he has to know that things just wont work between us. we still have hope, yes. but the chances are very limited.
then there is this other guy named syafiqrul. he is a good man. he has got a very good background, good family, good education good job and a good personality. he claims to love me, but unfortunately i dont love him back. he is... he has the perfect package i might say and any other girl would just be happy to be with him because from my eyes, he could provide a girl with what she needs or wants. he could provide a good home, he could make that girl happy, a good secure life and all but i am not those any other girls. am i being ungrateful? i hope not. he just scares me at times. he wants me to love him as much as he loves me but how can i promise that. how could i do that while my feelings...while im just still sooo confused. he cant expect so much from me. i think thats why im scared. he expects me to be someone sooo good.while miji, he knows me how i am, my bad, my good and he's okay with it. this guy, he doesnt know. i am seriously just trying to be honest with myself. i dont know what i want. right now, i am not feeling anything for this guy. he's great but ......sigh....in a way, i am making this guy suffer, he really wants me to say yes. he proposed to me you know,he wanted me to give him a chance for him to prove himself. whats wrong with me? why do i keep rejecting good proposals.
first it was a proposal from the uztaz then syafiq. both, are good honourable men but my heart was feeling insecure for them although they could provide me security whereas miji, the element of security is my heart and feelings for him but economically, no.
right now, i just want to be close to my creator. He has been faithful,loyal, and forever there. He has always listened to me, knows me inside out and knows what is best for me. im putting my trust in Him. i dont want another painful relationship that was deviating in so many ways. it keep me far from the path of righteousness and i was blind. forgive me ya Allah for all my past and current sins. i will try to be a better hamba for You ya Allah. Be close to me, be near me and please dont give up on me and dont ever let me give up on You, nauzubillah....
well okay, thats all for now, Hope that He will bless me with someone that when i see him, its gonna strike me lightning and thats how he would see me as well. amin...
assalamualaikum :)
currently im listening to bbc coventry's radio but just turned it off cuz...well lets just say the music did not appeal to my ears. haha, i was trying to check it out since i am going to the radio's station next morning for a very educational trip with my fellow journalism coursemates. hope it will be a good trip and gain something beneficial in the end.
okay2, i know u must be wondering how i am right now.
alhamdulillah i couldnt express my gratitude more than saying alhamdulillah because it is because of Allah i am surviving right now.
Only to Allah, i put my trust to and only to Him, i wanna go to.
i am doing alright and i dont think it could be better than this at the moment.
i am still a single girl who still has feelings for the her ex, who is trying to move on but knows deep in her heart that she will always, always have something for him. i am still in contact him i have to admit. it was not like that before, but it just turned out that way. i wish, i wish we would not be in contact with each other although his presence makes me eat better, happier and delighted inside but i am afraid that it would not end well. i know one day, things are going to have to change. i dont know what are his motives of contacting me again. i should be stronger and push him aside but i couldnt, i am not that strong to push him away. i will try harder though to avoid contacting him and not be close to him like i used to. he has to know that things just wont work between us. we still have hope, yes. but the chances are very limited.
then there is this other guy named syafiqrul. he is a good man. he has got a very good background, good family, good education good job and a good personality. he claims to love me, but unfortunately i dont love him back. he is... he has the perfect package i might say and any other girl would just be happy to be with him because from my eyes, he could provide a girl with what she needs or wants. he could provide a good home, he could make that girl happy, a good secure life and all but i am not those any other girls. am i being ungrateful? i hope not. he just scares me at times. he wants me to love him as much as he loves me but how can i promise that. how could i do that while my feelings...while im just still sooo confused. he cant expect so much from me. i think thats why im scared. he expects me to be someone sooo good.while miji, he knows me how i am, my bad, my good and he's okay with it. this guy, he doesnt know. i am seriously just trying to be honest with myself. i dont know what i want. right now, i am not feeling anything for this guy. he's great but ......sigh....in a way, i am making this guy suffer, he really wants me to say yes. he proposed to me you know,he wanted me to give him a chance for him to prove himself. whats wrong with me? why do i keep rejecting good proposals.
first it was a proposal from the uztaz then syafiq. both, are good honourable men but my heart was feeling insecure for them although they could provide me security whereas miji, the element of security is my heart and feelings for him but economically, no.
right now, i just want to be close to my creator. He has been faithful,loyal, and forever there. He has always listened to me, knows me inside out and knows what is best for me. im putting my trust in Him. i dont want another painful relationship that was deviating in so many ways. it keep me far from the path of righteousness and i was blind. forgive me ya Allah for all my past and current sins. i will try to be a better hamba for You ya Allah. Be close to me, be near me and please dont give up on me and dont ever let me give up on You, nauzubillah....
well okay, thats all for now, Hope that He will bless me with someone that when i see him, its gonna strike me lightning and thats how he would see me as well. amin...
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
starting a new life
dear diary,
let me update u on the latest news of my life.
1. i am single. i broke up with miji about a month ago. still not completely over it. still crying in the middle of the night. gosh, why did i let myself get hurt like this. well, love is pain and it involves a bit of drama. what can i say? life is a stage and we are all players. i bet shakespeare had to go through a love moment in his life for him to come up with that phrase :p
2. need to do a lot of catching up in my life. studies..and whatever. that i leave it up to my mood. main aim right now: surviving.
3. trying to think positive. i may appear as the optimistic kinda of gal but i can sometimes be indulged in negative thoughts. oh dear, they are truly negative. forgive me ya Allah, im trying my best to be as positive and trust in Your judgement. i am truly trying.
miji is doing a fantastic job in moving on. the latest news i heard was that he is trying to find another. good for him. he deserves to be married now. gosh, i wonder how it would be like when he is already married and if i get to see him again one day, with a wife that is not me, and children who are not from my womb....how do i react to that???
i should be happy for him which i am. i want him to be happy. although we cant be together, but knowing that if we are together, both of us will get hurt...hurt with each other or hurt by the people around you...at least, if he is far away...he would be safe from the criticism of the society around me, at least he can live his life freely as he wishes to without trying so hard to fit in the world he is not accustomed to.
i am not a princess and he is no ordinary commoner. we are both from the same world, differ only slightly in educational background, states and perhaps, mentality. status? not really different, we are both peasants. i am no royalty, but if i am, i would just want to marry whoever my heart chooses.
i love him. i do. i pray he knows that. the thing is, if this, my love scenario happens in movies, people would go swooning and say, how sweet and how romantic, how lovely. but when it happens in real life, they say, its just not gonna work, its silly, its risky...its just not gonna happen. the hypocrasy of it all. come on! you want to believe it could happen in d real life but humans are sceptical and afraid of something magical to happen. well there is wonder n magic around us. there is nothing wrong in believing a bit of wonder exist in our life coz it does. Allah's wonder is everywhere, since the beginning of time until now.
right now, i want to believe in the power of Healing. time heals, prayer heals, Allah heals. pray that id be strong to move on and he too as well. if we are meant to be together, we would. if not, then we are not. gotta sleep now, gotta wake up early because tmrw, im going to birm to celebrate a friend's birthday. so ill see you again.
assalamualaikum....
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