dear diary,
it has been long since i made a positive remark on anything. i have always been dreadful, so negative and so full of anger. it even shocked me for i never thought i could feel such emotions, but afterall i am only human and as a human, i am prefectly obliged to feel as one. what complex creatures humans are, they are so full of life but at the same time can be so dead. it is up to us how we determine ourselves, especially when we're setting our own foot in our own life.

Too much passion could be exceedingly dangerous. and a person with too much romantic prejudices if acquainted with the ways of the world will only lead to ruination and despair. i fear i may have too much passion for my ideallic ways of love that reality just cant be enough to be put to it. but the thing is, i do not think i would put my hopes to a stop. i have my beliefs in love therefore i should not put my dreams and hopes to a rest. if one can dream to be rich with money then my only dream to be rich in love shouldnt be much to ask for, because thats the only thing i have my interest for. yes, i would get hurt along the way, but it is only to prepare me for something greater. maybe the challenge ahead would be very tough, my emotions will be put to a test more than before and i have to endure it, with great strength and bravery. i shall pray that i will have all the strength in the world. and pray that i will not be weak.

the very man that i have mind would have as much passion than others. lets just say, i wish that man to be passionate, very full of love and charm, and when i say passionate, what i mean is, when he speaks he does not make me dull to hear it. and when i say full of love, he would love me with all his heart and charm, that is when he speaks with others, they would feel much entertained by him and very much honored to know him. you might think, these are all very high qualities and cannot be found in a man in this world. but believe me, i have met that man,he very much exists which proves that such a man i have in mind is not a fantasy but very much alive. the man that i'm with at the present, he too is a man charmed in his own nature. very different from the man i met before but charming still. the great thing about him is, he is full of love in the way i want to, only however, perhaps, he might have lost his way. and maybe i have lost my way with him. that is one thing that i need to recover. i never much liked blaming others or accusing others, i never much enjoyed doing that. i have always preferred to take the blame on myself for it is less hurtful. only recently, i have been doing that, and that, for certain, my ways have changed.

i will regain my ways but with limitations. i am..mm how do i put it...mm i am healing, curing...my heart cant take so much torment, perhaps that is why, people tell me to be moderate when in love. it is true that we should be modest in most things we do but how can i change this one thing i have had since i was a little girl. i am to believe and brought myself up by believing not to love moderately but richly. haha i may be out of mind in this sense but i have my beliefs and will do so along with rightful ways.