Saturday, October 23, 2010


dear diary,

ive gone to leamington today. leamington spa to be exact and my, what a wonderful place it is. the road that i took was the kenilworth road and we had to pass kenilworth town to get there too. and it was all so country side like. it was beautiful. it is certainly so much different than coventry town. it had come to my mind to conclude that coventry was more of a busy town like place while kenilworth and leamington was more country side like, and was of a place for resting for that is certainly the atmosphere it gave away.

leamington was white. the buildings were all white like creams on a cake, the colour white on canvas where it looks like someone's painted oil paint on all of the buildings to create a regent look, an old look, where old england i've read, that particular place for that matter was like that. the road was from up the hill to the lowest, white all over, beautiful parks, so cold for there were many trees, and absolutely adorable dogs everywhere. it was like going into a storybook where the places are lined up perfectly, and even when it is not perfect, there would be something to dazzle it a bit. music filled the air by talented street musicians who played for their own pleasure and find their own living. i must say, my stay in england has been pretty much like a movie that ive been unconsciously casted for. im still having a hard time believing that im here and insyaAllah will be for the next three years.

i bought a movie, finding neverland, and it was divine. leamington allows your imagination to take you to wherever you need to go. and so did this movie. it encourages you to believe what you want to believe, and you dont need to be all that proper, just as long as you dont restrict yourself from having fun in the right manner, it would be lovely. dont be afraid of your imagination. ive always believed in that but ive hard time expressing it with people around me. among my brothers, i cans simply be myself and let myself go, for they too can imagine what i imagine and we shared a special bond through that. it is what has kept us close since we're kids. however, with me and my friends, only a few of them i can truly be myself around them and i dont know why. i can always do that, if i want to, but sometimes i dont. i truly, really wonder why. ive been so self conscious that i constrain myself from having the fun that i want. this is not the life that i want. therefore, i shall start make a difference starting from right now. im going for a picnic tmrw and let us see how shall i behave and wanting to make a difference regarding my life. i know i can do better. i know i can just let myself go and stop worrying so much. i guess it is just what people especially grownups keep on telling, a lot of things you may lose when you grow up, the things you may believe in when you were kids, you dont allow yourself to think of it anymore because one always seem to think that it is of no use as 'reality' always get hold of things. but reality can be of a great joy too of one does not forget their inner child for it is this, is what keeps the spirit young and alive,our spirits will not be wasted and we would not worn out. i hope i wont forget my inner child, not now and not ever. i still do imagine stories in my head and act them out when im alone, i sing and i dance to keep myself entertain. it is what i like to do since i was a kid, and i am never ever going to quit doing that for i would like my children to have that as well. i would want them to have a beautiful life, full of imagination, wonders and things that other people would not encourage them to have. i want them to look at life differently; that although there are so many bad things in the world and we are aware of that, keep on believing the good things, for they too happen in this world and not all are bad, there are still some wonders around us, you just have to open your eyes and heart to them, and you will see it!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


dear diary,

living in england has been part of my dream since i was a kid. although im not living here permanently, but im happy to say that living here is like living part of my dream. diary, Im here!

the rush of cold air swept over my face when i first step foot in heathrow airport. it was such a blast. the fog that came out of my mouth was like the one i had when i was a kid in scotland. so much of the things here reminded me of my childhood in glasgow. i do miss it and i plan to go there soon. the environment here is great, the people...although my first feeling was exhaustion when i got here but i couldnt help noticing other stuff as well. the day seemed brighter, the weather is definitely colder and the people, friendlier. Im living in a building, rootes building and i live far away from my friends which is a good start. i mean, i am the kind of girl who likes to find new experiences and if i stuck to my friends all the time then there's nothing different about coming here. ive always wanted to know whether i can live on my own and besides, i know i woudl have my friends with me, its just sometimes its good to be on your own too. that way, you would know your strengths and weaknesses, how you can bring yourself into the world. and another thing, i wanted people not to fear us. i came here not just a malaysian but a muslimah malaysian and generally people do have that sort of fear. of course it is just easier just to not be friends with them and stick to your own group but if we do that, then other people wouldnt know that there is nothing to fear about us. i believe they are just as scared of us as we are scared of them. i like to imagine them as malays in a university back in malaysia. their 'unfriendliness' would have been the same among our malaysians too. the truth is, the malaysians in england are not all that friendly. some dont even bother to be friends. so there is not difference between us and the foreigners. we are all freshers, we are all looking for friends, sure we come from different background, but that is not the reason why we should stick to our own group for comfortness because that way we will not learn and they wont learn from us. how long do we need them to live in the dark and not knowing that we too are only humans just like them and we mean no harm, and they mean no harm as well, we just have to know and get to know that fact and have faith because only that way, we can move on!

alright i gotta go now, see u later and cheers!