Wednesday, April 18, 2012

starting a new life

dear diary,

let me update u on the latest news of my life.
1. i am single. i broke up with miji about a month ago. still not completely over it. still crying in the middle of the night. gosh, why did i let myself get hurt like this. well, love is pain and it involves a bit of drama. what can i say? life is a stage and we are all players. i bet shakespeare had to go through a love moment in his life for him to come up with that phrase :p
2. need to do a lot of catching up in my life. studies..and whatever. that i leave it up to my mood. main aim right now: surviving.

3. trying to think positive. i may appear as the optimistic kinda of gal but i can sometimes be indulged in negative thoughts. oh dear, they are truly negative. forgive me ya Allah, im trying my best to be as positive and trust in Your judgement. i am truly trying.

miji is doing a fantastic job in moving on. the latest news i heard was that he is trying to find another. good for him. he deserves to be married now. gosh, i wonder how it would be like when he is already married and if i get to see him again one day, with a wife that is not me, and children who are not from my do i react to that???

i should be happy for him which i am. i want him to be happy. although we cant be together, but knowing that if we are together, both of us will get hurt...hurt with each other or hurt by the people around least, if he is far away...he would be safe from the criticism of the society around me, at least he can live his life freely as he wishes to without trying so hard to fit in the world he is not accustomed to.

i am not a princess and he is no ordinary commoner. we are both from the same world, differ only slightly in educational background, states and perhaps, mentality. status? not really different, we are both peasants. i am no royalty, but if i am, i would just want to marry whoever my heart chooses.

i love him. i do. i pray he knows that. the thing is, if this, my love scenario happens in movies, people would go swooning and say, how sweet and how romantic, how lovely. but when it happens in real life, they say, its just not gonna work, its silly, its risky...its just not gonna happen. the hypocrasy of it all. come on! you want to believe it could happen in d real life but humans are sceptical and afraid of something magical to happen. well there is wonder n magic around us. there is nothing wrong in believing a bit of wonder exist in our life coz it does. Allah's wonder is everywhere, since the beginning of time until now.

right now, i want to believe in the power of Healing. time heals, prayer heals, Allah heals. pray that id be strong to move on and he too as well. if we are meant to be together, we would. if not, then we are not. gotta sleep now, gotta wake up early because tmrw, im going to birm to celebrate a friend's birthday. so ill see you again.


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