at lost

dear diary,

i am at lost. what do i do? i think i may have lost him for good. he thinks ive betrayed him. i know he doesnt like me hanging out with a certain friend of mine, but what can i do? i am close to the friend, i have made that clear to him a long time ago, why cant he understand? i am close to the friend and his family. we are just friends,why is it so hard for him to accept that? why does he have to let his ego in the way? if he could accept the friend as my friend, honestly, he doesnt have to worry about anything because thats what we are. everybody knows that, why cant he see it?
i have tried avoiding seeing him but it feels wrong. why do i have to do that? its not that i have a special relationship with the friend or something that he could be jealous of? Friendship, thats all.

and now he thinks im lying to him because there are a few instances of me seeing the friend and he does not know about it? well those instances are accidents, i tried not to but we live in the same area, what can we do?

if only he knows and understand, it would have been much easier. i dont know how else to do it. i cant do it i think.

I am falling for the guy, i miss not talking to him....but he's angry at me, im angry at him too for setting up barriers for me. i want my life back.

Love is supposed to be an addition to your life, it should add to the happiness, not take the other things way. thats what i always believe in, and thats what i have been reminded of.

 You, I love you but i dont think i can follow your ways. I am honestly happy being your friend, but i cant be more than that i think, because i am making you unhappy and i am unhappy as well being in a situation like this. i miss you but you need to know my life too.