You tell me

dear diary,
i know it has been quite a while that i havent typed in my feelings, well here i am and ive got loads to lay it out on you

my idea of a happy ending to my life is, finding my prince charming, no matter who he is, where does he come from, what job he does or from what educational background he's in, as long as he loves me and can talk to me, being tolerant for the way i am, he would be the one that i would want to live with. all this while, though i was not sure at first, i did find him, he was the one....but everyone did not think so!

everyone thought that i deserved better, someone who is of my background, who can match up to my 'level', someone who can give 'happiness' and treat me, i guess like a princess, where i do not have to do hard work....yes indeed, that does sound truly ideal,and the more they talk to me, the more it made sense to me that i needed a guy like that, a guy who can support me and does not need me to support him financially. true, i was raised in a family where i have been taught, guys are the ones who are supposed to support the family, and not the girls. not that i'm complaining, but ...it doesnt matter much, but of course, i do not want to be the ONLY one who's supporting everything!

So,i thought about it, and coincidentally, a few incidents happened which drives me into thinking that the one im with right now, perhaps is not the one for me because he is not financially stable yet. so, i made a decision after being 'provoked', i decided to put a stop to it, and break up! it was...harddd....to do such a decision. i mean, Ya Allah, I LOVE the man....its just, reality pierced into me and got me thinking about my future...it says to me: sarah, will u be ok like this in the future?

hmm...well, after saying 'stop', i criedd with all of my heart. not because, i felt it was the wrong thing to do but i was soo absolutely worried whether i made the right decision or not. a part of me was relieved that i did something that i was in a deep dilemma to do. everyone expects me to, and what they said seeped into me, making sense into my logic that i should break up with him, so i was relieved in that sense that perhaps i did the right thing and everyone thought i did!

then, as the clock ticks away, i couldnt help but worry whether HE'S OK OR NOTT.....i love him, i never do wanted to hurt him but what everyone said makes sense....but when i think back, that is soo not me....

and then, u know what i did....??
i took back my words and wanted to get back with him...which i did hahaha!

yea, it felt bad a bit, because i wasnt sure whether i was being honest with my concsience...everyone would be like...what did u do??
deep in my heart, i know i wanted that break up because of one reason, to tell him that he cant depend on me financially, he needs to take care of that himself, ill be there to support him but he cant rely on me a hundred percent just because i got scholarship and all. it doesnt work that way. i wanted him to know that. i know that even if i broke up with him now, one day, i would want to be back with him again. there's something about him that just tells me, that perhaps he's the oen for me, no matter how people think that we do not suit.

but seriously, how do we know whether does that person suit us or not? i mean,
there is this guy, who is so absolutely great financially and edu background, but i so dont suit his personality, would i be happy with him?
or...somebody who suits my personality, has money, but still, i dont feel the passion and the love, i married the guy because it is Sensible to do so, would i be happy then?

honestly, one would go crazy if one thinks of this too much. all i know is, i really honestlyy do not want to break his heart....it will be challenging and i dont know what the future has instored for me but there's only one way to find out is to live the life and see where it takes me...i guess this is why Allah determines for us our partners, because if it up to us, we are so screwed hahaha....

so, yea, its getting later, gotta go, see u next time muakkzzz!!

Dear diary, the moment we stepped on the stones on the road of old trafford, we know that we are in the city where Manchester United has stepped these pebbles too. The feeling was awesome, I couldnt help grinning all the way...
We saw A stadium the moment we got off the tram station, was it THE stadium? the stadium that we have come far to look about? was it?? the only way to find out, was to go inside! i jumped up and down, full excitement, my friends shook their heads looking at me, oh how ridiculous i must have looked but then again, who could blame me for being excited, i am going to the stadium where ManU played!!

the building was classical, old...and we wondered whether this is the right one, but it had to be the one, it said in a big sign, WELCOME TO OLD TRAFFORD!!

Old trafford has only one stadium so far that i know, and i was positive that it was the one, so i took pictures of it from outside, a lot of em in fact and tried to enter through the gate. there were two bodyguards and one of them looked at me, puzzled, why was i there? i gave him a look that i was the tourist there, arent i suppose to be here?

the building was classical, old...and we wondered whether this is the right one, but it had to be the one, it said in a big sign, WELCOME TO OLD TRAFFORD!!

He opened his window and shouted: Do you girls realize that this the Cricket county stadium?
I answered confidently: Yes...( dalam hati, yaAllah, salah stadium rupenyee.....xpe2, cover..cover)
He said: owh ok(not convinced that we were cricket fans which we were not, i think he knew that we hit the wrong stadium but didnt say more)
I asked again, just trying to reassure him that we knew what we were doing, and where we are going: do you mind if i go and just take the pictures there? we wont be long...
He said: Oh yeah ok, go and take pictures of the parking lot as much as u wanted, no problem( he was soo being sarcastic hahaa)
the place was a parking space, and the stadium that we saw, is a cricket stadium not a football one. oopps.....tersalah sudah haha fine travellers we are hihi

Helloooo Manchester!!

WOOOO freezing!!
But such a thrill! I woke up in the morning with a story to tell haha actually I woke up in d morning with my back pack all set and ready to go! I couldn't sleep that well last night, maybe because I was so excited and I was doing a lot of thinking and singing ricky martin's song in my mind( drop it on me, drop it on me, drop it on me hey hey). What a thing to do before going to bed....


THE three musketeers, that would be us, rinie, cici and I walked on through the cold morning, making our way to the busstop and oh look, there are other people waiting there as well. I guess travelling really early in d morning is something people look forward to, I know I am, I like travelling in d dark, where everything seem so mysterious and special, it is sooo soo....mystical!


Sementara menunggu, kami makan bekal yg masing2 bawak....i brought fried fillet fish and rice, cici brought pizza and rinie, well rinie brought water hehe...makan la kami disitu, kesejukan tapi penuh dgn gelak ketawa hehe, kami bertiga mmg mcm tu, trutama kalau dgn cici, asyik nak gelak je, she can giggle so easily, its like, whatever you say, she would giggle and you would giggle along as well, what a girl, fun to be with and with rinie, she knows how to crack jokes, ada je something die nak cakap...sakit perut pagi2 duk ktwa, other people must have thought we had gone MAD, coz we couldnt keep quiet!

Bile da sampai bus, kami pun naik la. We took d mega bus, and in England, mega bus is the cheapest way to travel, kekadang 1 pound pun can take you to London berbanding naik train dalam berbelas2 pound. Amazing gk la but the drawback is, you would have to know how to keep cool and not get sick in the bus.

Ramai kawan2 yang da report drg pening and muntah2 naik mega bus, satu sebab laju and satu lagi, cara drg bawak mcm asyik2 berhenti and berhenti ngejut and bile ade selekoh pusing mcm nk lumba kereta!

But alhamdulillah, all of us did not get sick because we slept the whole way haha the part thaT i LOVE during the ride was, praying inside the bus. I have always known how to pray in the vehicle but it was abulition, I keep forgetting which one is the compulsory one, and I know my friend rinie, she knows a lot about this, I know going this trip with her will enable me to gain something new and I did, and it was so simple! In the bus, I washed my face, my arms, a bit of hair and my feet with a niat khuf, it was for, whenever I want to pray next, my abulition wouldnt require me to wash my feet but it was enough to just wipe some water on my shoes, it was awesome!

The journey took about 2 hours and once we had arrived, we have arrived! Manchester was so soo...industrial like looking. Its got tall buildings, a lot of dull grey colours but still it gives the sense of like you're back to the industrial age where everything is coal mine and factory based but still modernisation has taken its process, and it has a balance between both. Graffiti was everywhere, my cousin did say that the place was filled with hooligans. But alhamdulillah, we were not disturbed.

All the shops were still closed at that moment tapi ya Allah, sejuknyeee and dah la kedai banyak tak bukak lagi, nak marah la cara drg berniaga kat sini, bukak lambat, tutup awal, ape benda la...haha...haiish, nak makan pun kami duk makan bekal je dulu,nak menunggu kedai bukak lambat lagi!
pastu, kami terus plan nak pergi old trafford, rupenye, it is about 20 minutes from where we were. So, kami pergi la kaunter pertanyaan nak tanya, kat mana nak beli tiket seterusnya sebab dari tadi kami duk baca plan journey drg kat dinding tapi x faham huhu so I asked:
Hye there, we would like the day saver tickets please? Oh sorry love but we dont sell those here, you have got to get them from the bus driver Oh i see, mm ok then, so here(the counter) is where people ask for information only yes? Oh well basically, some people would just like to come and shout at me(sempat lagi die sinis kat situ, tp ketawa je sebab tau she was making a joke and at the same time being sarcastic), or buy tickets for long travelling distance and book them but not day savers.... Ok, well thank you very much, see you!


WE decided to get onto a tram, its like LRT but it is on the road along with the cars and the buses, but we dont get traffic jams haha and when the announcer, announced that we had arrived in old trafford, i looked at my girls and at the same time they looked at me, I said, girls this is it, we have arrived....

where are you going?

inevidently, one would ask, where are you going?

inevidently, one would answer, I am going to Manchester....


hihi, dear diary, I am going to Manchester tomorrow morning, at 4.45 am. My god, that is such an early time to be up and about to go travelling, but I am sure, and truly hope the day that we will spend there, would be splendid.

I am not that big of a football fan but i certainly like popular places and this is one of them. My boyfriend has a certain liking for football, he is a huge fan of Manchester United and his idol happens to be Sir Alex Ferguson. If I could meet him there, I would ask for his autograph and it would be the greatest birthday present for my boyfriend!




If I could meet him there, I would ask for his autograph and it would be the greatest birthday present for my boyfriend!
I can't believe Ive ransacked my whole closet to find what to wear for tomorrow. I know it seem a bit silly to do that, because honestly who cares what you're wearing, but to be truthful it is kinda fun to do it when you are feeling excited. It is like figuring out an outfit when you are going on a date. You want to loook good, and most importantly, you wanna feel good. My moto is, comfortable is sexy and comfortable is the key to confidence and confidence is sexy haha

Comfort, Confidence and Sexy.....CCS! Double C s!

Anyway, fashion varies with everyone. If one does not find it catching, then another would. We can't simply criticise everyone of what they are wearing but still we can't really blame them because their interest is different, so what the heck, just wear whatever you like and be happy! p/s: make sure its decent though!

I dont know what to expect when I get to Manchester. Will I see a stadium first? My friend says, there are a lot of good halal food there, will I see A lot of food stalls? Who knows and that is the mystery to travelling, you never know!
Of COURSE i am going to do a bit of research about the place before I go although I like it more if it is spontaneous, but as an act of precaution, research is good and besides, it is one of the best tips about travelling, do a bit of research and it is once you get there, you can be spontanoeus as you like.



Ok dokey, Id best be on my way now, I mean, research hehe I am not going yet, it is 10.30 pm now, a couple of hours to go, I hope I can eat before I go, mmm gotta sleep early, wake early, that is another tip for travelling, always be fresh so that anything that requires thinking while standing, wouldnt be too difficult!

dear diary

i dont think i can ever resist myself...i will always feel it and to fight it, is quite sufferable for me but that is the way it should be, i should suffer a bit, thats the way it should be...but what if i cant, i evem thought of the unthinkable in order to stop myself from it....huhuhuhhu

leamington

dear diary,

ive gone to leamington today. leamington spa to be exact and my, what a wonderful place it is. the road that i took was the kenilworth road and we had to pass kenilworth town to get there too. and it was all so country side like. it was beautiful. it is certainly so much different than coventry town. it had come to my mind to conclude that coventry was more of a busy town like place while kenilworth and leamington was more country side like, and was of a place for resting for that is certainly the atmosphere it gave away.

leamington was white. the buildings were all white like creams on a cake, the colour white on canvas where it looks like someone's painted oil paint on all of the buildings to create a regent look, an old look, where old england i've read, that particular place for that matter was like that. the road was from up the hill to the lowest, white all over, beautiful parks, so cold for there were many trees, and absolutely adorable dogs everywhere. it was like going into a storybook where the places are lined up perfectly, and even when it is not perfect, there would be something to dazzle it a bit. music filled the air by talented street musicians who played for their own pleasure and find their own living. i must say, my stay in england has been pretty much like a movie that ive been unconsciously casted for. im still having a hard time believing that im here and insyaAllah will be for the next three years.

i bought a movie, finding neverland, and it was divine. leamington allows your imagination to take you to wherever you need to go. and so did this movie. it encourages you to believe what you want to believe, and you dont need to be all that proper, just as long as you dont restrict yourself from having fun in the right manner, it would be lovely. dont be afraid of your imagination. ive always believed in that but ive hard time expressing it with people around me. among my brothers, i cans simply be myself and let myself go, for they too can imagine what i imagine and we shared a special bond through that. it is what has kept us close since we're kids. however, with me and my friends, only a few of them i can truly be myself around them and i dont know why. i can always do that, if i want to, but sometimes i dont. i truly, really wonder why. ive been so self conscious that i constrain myself from having the fun that i want. this is not the life that i want. therefore, i shall start make a difference starting from right now. im going for a picnic tmrw and let us see how shall i behave and wanting to make a difference regarding my life. i know i can do better. i know i can just let myself go and stop worrying so much. i guess it is just what people especially grownups keep on telling, a lot of things you may lose when you grow up, the things you may believe in when you were kids, you dont allow yourself to think of it anymore because one always seem to think that it is of no use as 'reality' always get hold of things. but reality can be of a great joy too of one does not forget their inner child for it is this, is what keeps the spirit young and alive,our spirits will not be wasted and we would not worn out. i hope i wont forget my inner child, not now and not ever. i still do imagine stories in my head and act them out when im alone, i sing and i dance to keep myself entertain. it is what i like to do since i was a kid, and i am never ever going to quit doing that for i would like my children to have that as well. i would want them to have a beautiful life, full of imagination, wonders and things that other people would not encourage them to have. i want them to look at life differently; that although there are so many bad things in the world and we are aware of that, keep on believing the good things, for they too happen in this world and not all are bad, there are still some wonders around us, you just have to open your eyes and heart to them, and you will see it!

England!

dear diary,

living in england has been part of my dream since i was a kid. although im not living here permanently, but im happy to say that living here is like living part of my dream. diary, Im here!

the rush of cold air swept over my face when i first step foot in heathrow airport. it was such a blast. the fog that came out of my mouth was like the one i had when i was a kid in scotland. so much of the things here reminded me of my childhood in glasgow. i do miss it and i plan to go there soon. the environment here is great, the people...although my first feeling was exhaustion when i got here but i couldnt help noticing other stuff as well. the day seemed brighter, the weather is definitely colder and the people, friendlier. Im living in a building, rootes building and i live far away from my friends which is a good start. i mean, i am the kind of girl who likes to find new experiences and if i stuck to my friends all the time then there's nothing different about coming here. ive always wanted to know whether i can live on my own and besides, i know i woudl have my friends with me, its just sometimes its good to be on your own too. that way, you would know your strengths and weaknesses, how you can bring yourself into the world. and another thing, i wanted people not to fear us. i came here not just a malaysian but a muslimah malaysian and generally people do have that sort of fear. of course it is just easier just to not be friends with them and stick to your own group but if we do that, then other people wouldnt know that there is nothing to fear about us. i believe they are just as scared of us as we are scared of them. i like to imagine them as malays in a university back in malaysia. their 'unfriendliness' would have been the same among our malaysians too. the truth is, the malaysians in england are not all that friendly. some dont even bother to be friends. so there is not difference between us and the foreigners. we are all freshers, we are all looking for friends, sure we come from different background, but that is not the reason why we should stick to our own group for comfortness because that way we will not learn and they wont learn from us. how long do we need them to live in the dark and not knowing that we too are only humans just like them and we mean no harm, and they mean no harm as well, we just have to know and get to know that fact and have faith because only that way, we can move on!

alright i gotta go now, see u later and cheers!
salam....